Life Of The Lorigans

How Do We Live Without Them!

Written by Shae on August 5th, 2008

The other day I was sitting at work trying to figure out how to wipe the dripping sweat from my cleavage without my students noticing. It got me thinking that someone really needs to make a boob deodorant for pregnant women. After my students left I went to the trusty internet to do some research. I was unable to find any magical boob sweat remover, but I did find a bunch of other interesting products for pregnant women.

The first product I came across was something called Mommy Sox. These little socks are supposed to relieve all the foot pain that comes with pregnancy. Wanna know what I think? I don’t think a little piece of cotton is going to fix the problem of having 30 extra pounds trying to flatten out your arches. Besides, what pregnant woman can actually put socks on? I don’t even remember the last time I could fit by big swollen feet into a pair of shoes that actually required socks, let alone tie the damn things.

Next up is a product called Mamma Spanx. These are footless pantyhose for pregos. Again, how is a prego supposed to actually put these horribly unfashionable items on? And why are they footless? I guess it’s so we can wear them with our mamma sox and start a whole new trend. I love the pictures of all the women wearing really high heels in the photos. I have yet to see a pregnant woman wear anything but flip flops.

This next one I came across is just ridiculous. It is the Baby Chime. Basically they are bells that come on a long necklace and they sit on your stomach. So now you have all the annoyances of babies kicking you and they have to go and add a bell. Remember back in days when everyone wore bells on their shoes at Christmas time? Think of having 9 months of bells. I guess it is supposed to calm the baby down both in the womb and then again outside. If I was a baby listening to a bell for 9 months and then my mother shook the thing around after I was born, I think I would lose it.

I can actually see a use for this one. Well, only if I walked around public places with my shirt pulled up. Touch My Tummy Tattoos. These are temporary tattoos that you put on your stomach to tell people either were to touch, or to keep their hands off. I don’t know how many times I have gone into the grocery store and have had random women walk up to me and rub my belly while asking if I was pregnant.

I just have to laugh at something called a Belly Up. They are like little suspenders that connect your pants to your bra. I guess they are supposed to combat the horribleness of ass crack. If you have ever been pregnant then you know how tight and thick the bands of maternity pants are, so why would you need suspenders? And another thing, Do we really need something that is pulling our boobs down even further?

I think this one has to be my favorite product. It is the V2 Supporter. Yes ladies, they now make jock straps just for us. Apparently it is supposed to prevent excessive swelling in the vulva area. Ummm, can we say gross? How big does your vag have to get to warrant the use of this contraption?

The Miss Oops Popper Stoppers seem like a really stupid idea. They are like little band aids for you popped out belly button. Everyone knows that part of being pregnant is waiting for your belly button to pop. Maybe they think that if people cant see their turkey timer, then they wont know they are pregnant. They must not be having twins.

I have decided to group these next products together. I can’t believe how many products are available just for nipples! Breast Shells are little plastic discs that cover the nipple and “encourage” them to stick out further. I think sticking your chest in the freezer for a few seconds will do the same thing. Apparently you use these before breast feeding. During the feeding you can use Nipple Shields. These things look like the nipples that are on regular bottles but you stick them to yourself and the baby sucks your nipple into it like a vacuum. No wonder men act like Hoovers. Lets not forget about all the different creams, lotions and gels that are out there to sooth yourself after feeding. I equate these to Udder Cream for cows. I found a product called the Booby Tube but I have no idea what it is for. I just like the name. There is also a Shower Hug. You wrap this around your chest during a shower to protect sensitive nipples. How are you supposed to clean yourself if you have a big band wrapped around you. I guess these women never get sweaty breasts. Lucky. My favorite are Breast Pads. These are just maxi pads for your boobs.

So I just have to wonder what life was like before all of these products. I mean, how did women survive. Obviously we are not supposed to breastfeed without a ton of nipple products and our stomachs will fall off if we don’t use all the support garments out there. I guess no one ever got pregnant before we had all of these miracle products. I better go out and do some shopping so my stomach doesn’t fall off and God forbid if people see my belly button.

“Babies, stop kicking your mother. I want her to be nice to me tonight.” –Pat

Posted in Pregnant | No Responses »

More Pics Of The Kids

Written by Pat on July 25th, 2008

Shae and I had yet another ultrasound yesterday. You can find the pics over in the twins gallery. Ella was very cooperative this time and we actually got couple of semi-3D views of her face. Jackson on the other hand, not so much. He spent the entire appointment hiding from the camera and the pics of him are what I would expect an ultrasound of Picasso’s kid to look like. His face is kind of visible if you look hard enough, but his images from the last ultrasound are much better. About the only thing we got a good look at was Jack’s junk (I like that one enough I’m going to use it again). Even then I got his leg and his dangler confused. I don’t know if that says more about my boy’s package or how difficult it was to get a good look at him yesterday. Obviously, I’m going with Option A.

In other baby news, for the past couple of weeks whenever I get home from work Ella starts kicking at the sound of my voice. At first I thought it was just random timing due to Shae moving around when I got home, but then I realized she actually moves around at the sound of my voice. It was such a special moment. Then we were eating dinner with some friends, one of whom was a guy, and she started jumping around at the sound of his voice. So in the span of about 10 seconds I went from feeling so special that my daughter knew my voice to the realization that my daughter just loves boys. All boys. Great. Just shoot me now.

“I must be hungry, my boobs are growling.” –Shizzle
(For anyone not aware, the babies kind of push everything out of their way as they grow. Shae’s stomach has migrated north and now resides somewhere around her knockers.)

Posted in Pregnant, The Kids | 2 Responses »

A Weekend In Arizona

Written by Pat on July 25th, 2008

Last weekend Shae and I hit the road and headed to Sedona to spend the weekend with my mom. We figured the best time to head over to Arizona would be July. Nice and cool in the desert in July. Actually, it wasn’t even that hot over there last weekend. The thermometer in my car only read ‘—‘ (meaning over the ~110 degree max that my car will register) once or twice on the trip, and it was in the mid 90’s or so in Sedona. Downright frigid! I wish I had packed a coat.

The trip out of San Diego was pretty uneventful, but it got exciting in Yuma. You know what they had in Yuma? Gas prices that started with a 3 — $3.99 (for regular, it cost me $4.22 for premium). I really hate that I was surprised to see gas under $4. That was pretty much the highlight of driving in Arizona. Phoenix/Glendale were not quite as friendly. Some big car fire forced the closure of the freeway we were on. I understand this stuff happens from time to time, and normally it would be a big deal. What made it a pain in the ass was that they forced everyone off the freeway, closed all the on-ramps, and didn’t provide any signs to let drivers know where we were supposed to go. In California, we have these brand new technological marvels called detour signs. Hopefully someone in Arizona will cross the border and steal our idea. Seriously, how the hell can you close a freeway for over an hour (the accident was over an hour old by the time we got there) and not put up any signs notifying drivers how they’re supposed to get back on the freeway.

Luckily my car’s navigation system was made in a state that knows about these new “detours” so we were able to find our way back to the road. Good thing too, because if we hadn’t we never would have gone by “Surprise Stadium”. Until about four months ago I don’t think I would have appreciated the name of the stadium as much as I do now. You know what the surprise is (at least as far as I can tell)? There are two stadiums. I had a surprise like that once. I’m naming them Ella and Jackson.

Apparently they have way too much money to spend on construction over in our neighbor to the East because every freeway we touched was under construction of some sort. However, nothing comes close to the work being done in and around Sedona. Someone has decided that traffic lights are too easy to understand so they’re getting rid of the lights and putting in roundabouts. I think it has something to do with the environmental impact of idling at lights or something like that. I’m sure the roundabouts are a huge step forward, but my only experience with roundabouts in a semi-high traffic area was at a big shopping center in Fresno (ahh…beautiful Fresno). Every time Shae and I went to see a movie I witnessed at least one near-accident on the roundabouts and to this day I have no idea how I avoided ever being hit in those damn things. I’m sure there won’t be any problems with the 10,000 of the things they’re putting in Sedona though.

Once we actually got off the freeways of Arizona our trip was great. As I mentioned earlier, the weather was much cooler than we expected and we had a great time. Some time at the pool, several good meals (thanks Mom!), an interesting trolley ride (driven by a cowboy pun-master), and a massage for me and the pregnant wifey. A very relaxing time, and a nice break before the impending chaos that’ll be arriving all too soon (I’m looking at you twins).

Speaking of massages, let’s get to the age-old question of massages: guy or girl? I personally don’t care as long as I get a good massage. I mean, is it really any more awkward to get rubbed down by a guy than a woman? Someone’s rubbing oil all over and pretending the sheet over your dangle actually covers your stuff up. I don’t think breasts make that any less uncomfortable than a set of franks and beans. I ended up getting the messy rub-down from a masseuse named Mark (one guess if that’s a guy or a girl) and Shae got a special maternity massage from Alicia (again, I leave it up to you to guess the sex). We both were extremely happy with our massages and were nice and relaxed for the rest of the night.

The ride home wasn’t nearly as eventful as our previous trip. There was no roadwork, no traffic, and we didn’t get stripped searched at any of the Border Patrol checkpoints. The guy asking us if we had any fruit took a longer look in our car than any of the Border Patrol guys. So, to recap, almost 1000 miles of driving with a pregnant wife, 1 oily rubdown by a man, and an overall nice weekend.

Posted in Family, Travel | No Responses »

Baby Shower (South)

Written by Pat on July 21st, 2008

One day after dealing with changing a doll’s diaper I had to deal with something really scary: Shae’s baby shower (South). I somehow managed to get roped into attending the shower. The excuse used by Shae was that I needed to be around to take care of the dog. I think she just wanted to make me deal with 20 baby-crazy women.

The day started off bright and early with Erica (the shower hostess) and me making a 7am trip down to Vons to get some balloons. Of course the balloon counter was closed, so we got the 15-year-old working the customer service desk to help us out. I’m not sure he had ever worked the balloon counter before, but after about 30 minutes we finally got our balloons inflated. About this time it occurred to us that maybe my car wasn’t the one to take to pick up balloons. Too late to do anything now so Erica and I got to deal with balloons smacking us in the back of the head on the drive back home. This day is off to a great start.

After we got back home we took care of a few final setup things (put up some banners, put the soda on ice, etc) and got ready for the “fun”. At around 10:00 the guests started showing up (right on time). At around 10:01 I popped open my first beer, put the dog on his leash, and set up camp in the office. Since most of the shower attendees were seeing our house for the first time I ended up giving a few tours of the house. So far my attempts to hide from the women are not working out so well.

Somehow the ladies ended up hanging out in the living room instead of out on the patio. This wouldn’t have been an issue except that the food was in the dining room and it was impossible for me to sneak out and grab food without being seen by the party goers. Luckily I had Lunchbox with me so if I needed to run back to the office and hide out I could just “accidentally” drop his leash (oops!). After about 10 seconds of my well-trained dog sniffing everyone’s crotch they were all thankful to have me escort him out of the room. Good boy Lunchbox!

Anyway, the shower seemed like a lot of fun for the ladies. Lots of games, some good food, and at the end lots of good gifts. There are some photos over here.

To anyone not in the San Diego area, there will be a co-ed shower up in Lockwood shortly after the twins are born. We were trying to schedule it in August, but couldn’t find a date that worked for everyone. It’s looking like October sometime, but we’ll have more info closer to the date. BBQ, babies, and beer, or something like that.

Posted in Pregnant, The Kids | No Responses »

A Walking Pharmacy

Written by Pat on July 21st, 2008

So on Friday, July 11th Shae and I attended our first baby class: “Baby Care Basics”. I’ve been busy for the past week, but I finally had time to share our experience, so here you go.

We walked into the classroom and saw three tables in a “U” with about seven dolls spread over them. There was one couple already there, so Shae found the cutest available doll and we took our seat. I started messing around with the doll and the teacher came back into the room and told us that we would be treating the dolls like they were real babies. Of course, as she said this I was holding ours upside down by one leg. Good thing they don’t give us grades. I thought I was going to get off easy and have Shae do all the work until we mentioned we were the ones having twins and the teacher gave us another baby. There goes that plan.

Rather than recap the whole class, here are some highlights:

All but one of the other couples due dates’ were in August, most of them in the first half of the month. The other couple was due in November (another set of twins). Shae’s baby-belly was as big or bigger than all the other moms-to-be. I can’t even imagine what she’s going to be like in another month or two. She is not going to be a happy prego.
The guy next to us dropped his baby. He tried to play it off, and I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but he dropped his little boy while changing his diaper. At least I didn’t drop my doll.
Our teacher was a Certified Lactation Expert (or something like that). Let’s just say that she was…umm…built for the job.
Shae is about to turn into a walking pharmacy. Apparently breast milk is some sort of super-drug. We were told that her breast milk will cure all kinds of problems not just on our babies, but on us too. Cuts, zits, eye infections, etc. Just a squirt of boob-juice will fix them right up. That may be true, but if I get an eye infection I’ll get some drops rather than let my wife squirt the super-juice in my eye. Yuck.
Newborns go through about 10-12 diapers a day. That’s 24 diapers a day, or 168 a week. Holy crap! I need to go buy some stock in Pampers. This is going to suck.
A quote from the “coursebook”:

Breasts: Both male and female babies can have swollen breasts. They may even leak milk from their nipples. This is due to maternal hormones that have filtered through to the baby in utero. Do not try to express milk from your baby’s nipples. The swelling will disappear withing a week or two.

To recap what I learned: babies are gross. They’re hairy, they pee all over the place, they crap out some sort of tar for the first couple of days, and they come out of the hoo-ha with coneheads. Tar crapping, pee spraying, hairy coneheads. This is going to be awesome.

“I wonder if the babies fart in their amniotic fluid. Do you think it bubbles?” –Shizzle

Posted in Pregnant, The Kids | No Responses »

So…When Are You Due?

Written by Pat on July 3rd, 2008

I haven’t spent a lot of time around pregnant women (it’s one of the keys to my survival) so I don’t really have a solid frame of reference to compare Shae to. That being said, she watches a lot of those damn baby/pregnancy shows and even though she’s “only” 6 months pregnant she’s almost as big as most of the 8 and 9 monthers on those shows.

Tonight Shae and I went out to dinner and as we were waiting for a table we ended up sitting on a bench next to an older couple. After a few minutes the lady finally leaned over and asked Shae when she was due (I think she was trying to make sure Shae was actually pregnant before she asked). Shae quickly replied that she was due in October, and the look on the woman’s face was priceless. It was a cross between shock and pity and we could tell she was trying to figure out how many months away October is. Shae played it perfectly, and just when the woman’s head exploded Shae followed up with “We’re having twins.” You could almost feel the relief pass over the woman.

My beautiful wife at 6 months:

I think I’m going to try to close my pregnancy-related blogs with a quote from Shizzle, so here you go:

“My babies know as the woman who yells at the dog a lot. Their first words are probably going to be ‘LEAVE IT!’. Or maybe ‘Lunchbox NO!'”

Posted in Pregnant | No Responses »

One Big Ass Stroller

Written by Pat on July 2nd, 2008

As promised (and requested), I posted some pics of the giant stroller.

You can find them in the baby stuff gallery.

Just to illustrate how damn big this thing is, here it is running over our poor puppy:

That’s right, my dog fits underneath my stroller. He didn’t even move.

Because I don’t think there have been enough pics of pregnant Shae on my blog:

Just so I get a little face time, here’s me practicing my baby-driving:

One other thing I noticed in these pics is that the reflectors are ridiculous (just like the rest of the stroller). It seriously looks like the thing has headlights in the pictures with the flash.

To give everyone an update on wifey, she’s doing fine except her back and her ass are killing her. Her quote, “I swear to God one of them is sitting on my ass nerve!”

Posted in Pregnant, The Kids | 1 Response »

Some More Pics

Written by Pat on July 1st, 2008

Not a lot going on right now, and they’ve actually been making me do stuff at work lately so I haven’t had much time to update. I might have to complain to my supervisor if they’re actually going to make me work. I didn’t sign up for that. (Since I already gave my work-related rant for the year, I won’t get into my phone issue except to say that my phone line got swapped with someone else’s on June 28th and I was told to send everything to voicemail until the issue is fixed — on July 15th. It’s not like I need a phone line to do my job or anything. OK, moving on.)

That being said, we had another ultrasound last week so we have some more pictures. Ella decided she didn’t like the tech bothering her so she kept kicking back every time the tech pushed down to get a better view. This is what we got:

We also got a decent shot of Jackson’s profile. Shae says he has my nose and chin:

You can view the rest of pics over in the twins gallery.

Hopefully we’ll have some pics of the stroller up in the next couple of days.

Posted in Pregnant, The Kids | No Responses »

Humping Poohs (And Other Reasons I’m Not Mature Enough For Babies)

Written by Pat on June 22nd, 2008

This weekend was hot. Shae and I basically spent the whole weekend just trying to stay cool and do as little as possible. Somehow we still managed to do enough to give me something to write about.

Friday:
In preparation for the scorching weekend we decided this might be a good time to buy the single-room portable A/C unit a co-worker was selling (he decided to put in real A/C). On the way home, we swung by and picked up our stroller at REI. After the now-standard Shae pee stop, I knew we might be in trouble when the guy at the customer service desk grabbed the biggest box and brought it out to us. He asked if we needed help carrying it out or setting it up, but I was too proud to accept so I wrestled the giant box out to the car and loaded it next to the A/C.

We got home, unloaded the car, hooked up the A/C unit, and tried to cool off. After about an hour or so, we decided it would be more fun to go play in the sprinklers than sitting on the couch (Shae said the dog would have fun, I think she just wanted to try out her new maternity swimsuit). Watching Shae “run” through the sprinklers (I’m not nearly ballsy enough to try to describe Shae’s run, so I’ll just let you guys picture her jumping through the sprinklers pregnant while the dog chased her) I couldn’t help but think about the picture of her as a two-year-old running through the sprinklers that was part of our wedding center pieces. She hasn’t changed a bit, right? Right?!? (Just nod…she’s standing right next to me):

After we cooled off, we headed back inside and decided it was time to put the stroller together. I don’t think there’s any way I can properly describe the experience, but I’ll try. Shae had a full-on temper tantrum trying to open the box so I had to take over the assembly, which went pretty quickly (of course the “assembly” was putting three wheels on, but I’m still taking credit). The first thing about the stroller is that it’s huge. It finally hit me that we’re going to have two babies. Holy crap! This stroller fits through a doorway but it’s close. However, it doesn’t fit through the mini-doorway to our hallway so once we get it in our door we’re stuck in the entryway. The stroller has seat pockets and cupholders (for the kids). Know what else the stroller has? Quick release tires and suspension. This thing is somewhere between a nice bike and a cheap car. What the hell is this world coming to? Did I mention the thing is huge, yet? Because it is.

Saturday:
Today Shae finally dragged me out to Babies “R” Us to register for baby stuff (the need to get into an air conditioned building had nothing to do with it). Upon entering the store Shae had a decision to make: go the registry desk (right by the door), or use the bathroom (all the way in the back)? I think everyone can guess which one she chose, but eventually we got back to the registry desk. After witnessing a pregnant woman yell at a manager for a while because of some problem with her registry (pregnant women scare me…note to self: be nice to Shae), we got our gun and started off to register.

About 10 minutes into the registering two things became very clear to me:

There is a ton of baby stuff you need, and I have no idea how you are supposed to know what to choose. I mean, what is the difference between a $50 breast pump and a $350 breast pump? There are like 10,000 different toys. Which ones do you choose? It’s easy for the dog, he destroys them all in like five minutes so you just pick the cheapest ones.
I am nowhere near mature enough for babies. I might not know the difference between a $50 and a $350 breast pump, but I do know I laugh at the term “breast pump” regardless of the price tag (although I laugh harder at the $350 one because I figure it must be 7 times funnier). I also pointed the scanner at Shae’s butt and boobs and made the “beep” noise every chance I got. Of course, then I saw that someone had positioned two Pooh bears in an…umm…interesting position (we’ll call them Humping Poohs because I’m feeling so mature today) and I knew I wasn’t the only one who might not be quite ready for kids. Either that or someone brought their kids with them to the store.

I also came across some disturbing information you guys may not be aware of: babies are expensive. I know, it came as quite a shock to me too but it’s true. Car seats, clothes, bottles, breast pumps (still makes me giggle a little), etc. I’m beginning to think these things may not be the money makers I was hoping for, even with the tax deduction.

When we turned the registry gun back in, we got a little gift packet. It was mostly advertisements and coupons, but there were two interesting items. The first was a little book of baby names and meanings. Ella means “sprightly”, and Jackson means “son of Jack” (never would have guessed that one). When we looked up Jack we got “Form of John”, and when we looked up John we got…nothing. How can you define a name as “Form of John” and then not have John in your book? Who writes these things?

The second item of interest was a diaper for a newborn. I didn’t think all that much of it, but Shae couldn’t get over how tiny the diaper was. “Their butts are going to be that small?!?” She put the diaper in the giant stroller and forced me to look at how small the diaper was. “I’m not ready to be a mom. I’m going to break my babies. There is no way they are going to be that small.” Somehow the tiny diaper had the same effect on Shae that the giant stroller had on me: “Holy crap! We’re having babies and we are nowhere near ready.”

Sunday:
Lunchbox “LB” Lorigan, C.G.C.

Our little boy is all grown up. That’s right, he gets letters after his name now because today Lunchbox passed his Canine Good Citizenship (CGC) test. I’m not going to say LB aced his test, but at least he passed. Between the time (8am, right in the middle of his waking-up time), the distractions (bugs, birds, other dogs), and his overall mood (let’s call it crappy) I can’t imagine LB could have done any worse on the test, but he still passed. Once we send in the paperwork, we’ll get a certificate that will certify that our dog is a C.G.C. It’s like he graduated from medical school or something. Of course, he’s probably taken more classes than most M.D.s. On that note, I’m going to go play in the sprinklers with Good Citizen Box and try to stay cool.

One last note before I sign off for the weekend. We have some photos posted of the work we did in the baby room last weekend (in the House album). If anyone wants to see Shae (and me) nesting, take a look at the pics here.

Posted in Lunchbox, Pregnant | 1 Response »

My Office Space

Written by Pat on June 19th, 2008

I’ve generally tried not to bitch about work here on my blog, but my world is becoming way too close to something right out of Office Space so you guys get to deal with my whining. If you’d rather just read about baby stuff you can give Shae’s pregnancy post a read if you haven’t already.

Let me start off my bitch fest by pointing out that in general I’m happy with my job. I get tons of time off (including every other Friday and almost every holiday you can imagine, including Columbus Day), I like the people I work with, I have great job security (I think it would take longer to fire me than it would to just wait for me to retire. In fact, I think that might be the plan with some of my co-workers.), and I get to work on basically whatever I feel like on a given day. OK, now that I got that out of the way let’s get on with the bitching (and plenty of moaning too).

When I started my job, I couldn’t believe that my building was right on the ocean. I actually park my car right in a lot that looks right out onto the ocean. Of course, as soon as I leave my car I walk up the hill to my office and into a prison-looking concrete monstrosity built sometime in the 40’s or 50’s and not really improved since (Shae says it looks like a prison with antennas instead of guard towers). I’m amazed every day that the elevators still work (sort of). In the five years I’ve been in my office the heater has worked exactly one day, and it was over 70 degrees outside that day.

Anyone who’s ever tried to call me during the day is probably aware of this, but we have no cell phone reception at work. It doesn’t matter who your provider is, you aren’t getting a signal in my office (or anyone else’s in my building for that matter). I’ve heard rumors that if you stand six steps outside the back door, hop on one foot and hold your phone above your head you can get one bar. Of course it’s kind of hard to make a call from that position and even if you got a signal you’d lose it before the call went through, but it’s a start.

While my work environment is frustrating, I’ve learned to deal with these issues; they aren’t what prompted this post. Over the past few months I’ve noticed that my work life is getting closer and closer to something out of Office Space. If you haven’t watched the movie recently, go watch it and then finish reading this when you’re done.

You know what I have to do by the 5th of every month? I have to submit TPS reports. I’m not making that up, I get an email on the 1st reminding me to submit my TPS reports. Guess what happens if I don’t? Yup, three different “bosses” come by and remind me. The worst part is only one of them gets my monthly joke about the cover sheet; I guess the other two didn’t get the memo. Of course, the three people who ask me for my TPS reports aren’t even what I would call my “real bosses”. I have two of those, so that makes five different bosses. It’s not eight bosses yet, but give me another year or so and I bet I’ll get there.

Now we get to the final straw that made me sit down and vent. Today I had to print something and when I went to the printer I got the all-too-familiar “Load Letter Tray 2” message on the printer (I guess it’s replaced “PC Load Letter”). When I asked the guy in charge of the printer where I could find some paper I was informed that there is no paper. “We don’t have any, and I don’t have any money in the budget to buy any more. It’s bring-your-own-paper now.” Now I’m sure some teachers that may be reading this won’t have any sympathy for me, but you have to remember that I have to deal with government purchasing to get paper. If I put in an order for paper today(assuming I could find the funding somewhere, which I doubt), I might be able to print sometime before the kids turn two. Maybe.

OK, if you’re still reading I guess I’ll share the REAL reason for bitch-fest-08. The paper issue got me all fired up, but I wasn’t motivated enough to sit down and type until I tried to use the restroom (and no I wasn’t trying to print up reading material for my trip when I found out there was no paper, but I would understand if that was your first thought). Without going too far down the path of more-than-anyone-ever-needed-to-know-about-Pat, let me just say that I hate dropping a deuce at work. The bathrooms stink and the toilet paper is a step down from what you’d find at a National Park in the middle of cutbacks. If I’m making a run for the crapper at work, it’s probably a literal run for the crapper. Having said all that, I hope everyone can understand my frustration at trying to enter the bathroom and finding it closed for cleaning. I ran to a different floor, and it was being cleaned too. I finally found an open stall on my third try. Why does the cleaning crew clean the restrooms in the middle of the day? Why can’t this be done after everyone goes home like everywhere else I’ve worked (this goes for the monthly vacuuming, annual dusting, annual window cleaning, and all the other cleaning functions)? Every day our bathrooms are closed for about 30 minutes or so for cleaning (based on cleanliness, I can’t believe it takes more than 5 minutes), and that 30 minutes always seems go be whenever I need to go.

Whew…OK…this time I’m really done venting. I could spend another couple of hours whining about work (don’t even get me going about the pathetic excuse for a cafeteria we have), but I’m sure everyone’s heard enough. Besides, like I said at the top of this post, overall I’m happy. Just don’t get in my way when I need to drop the kids off at the pool. (Oh, and for anyone who actually read my first post on this blog, I did write that eventually this could turn into stories about my adventures using the restroom at work; you were warned.)

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