This past weekend I got to experience my first Father’s Day as a dad. I was expecting a tie or maybe a some tools from the kids, but instead they gave me some stinky diapers. They’re the best. Since Shae got a tote bag and a table saw for Mother’s Day, I was half-expecting a screwdriver and a vacuum. Instead, I got a digital picture frame (thanks Shae) and some steaks/chicken/other tasty goodies (thanks mom). Besides the gifts, here’s the rest of my first Father’s Day weekend with the kids.

Lunchbox’s toenails had gotten pretty long and he wasn’t very cooperative when we tried to trim them, so on Friday I took him to Petco (the store, not the ballpark) to get a pawdicure. It would be an understatement to say that LB wasn’t excited about this, but he got through it. As a reward for being so brave Lunchbox got to take a trip to the dog park. It was quiet at the park, but one of the two other dogs looked like Mr. Box’s twin. There were a few times I actually found myself getting the dogs mixed up. The easiest way to tell them apart was that Baxter was the humper and LB was the humpee. After quite a while of being humped, Lunchbox was exhausted and it was time to head home.

As soon as I got home, Shae somehow suckered me into going to REI to look at baby-backpacks. We are taking the babies to Sedona next month, and Shae convinced me we need the backpacks so we can take the kids on some hikes. The plan was to try on the packs at REI and then buy an old model from someone on Craigslist, but of course we ended up leaving the store with two new backpacks. Funny how that happens. (Actually, the new ones have some additional storage that is really nice…I think we made a good decision…I’m going to keep telling myself that.)

Father’s Day weekend was one of three “fee-free weekends” at a bunch of national parks (details here), so we decided to head over to the Point Loma Lighthouse/Cabrillo Monument with the kiddos.  If nothing else it was a good excuse to get out of the house and try out our new packs, so we loaded up the car and headed to Point Loma. We met up with Chris, Patty, and Chris’ cousin Andrew (taking a break from his stay on an aircraft carrier to get some training in SD) for lunch at Olive Tree Market and then drove out to the lighthouse.

If you’ve ever been up to the top of the Point Loma Lighthouse (or probably any old lighthouse for that matter), you know how tight and crowded the staircase is; adding a framed backpack and a baby makes it a real challenge. After quite a bit of squeezing and contorting we managed to get up to the top and Shae took a few pictures (surprise). When we were done at the lighthouse, we took a nice downhill walk back to the car, made a quick stop for a chai tea freddo at Peet’s, and called it a day.

Sunday was nice and relaxed, so there’s not a lot to retell. Shae made me a nice breakfast, the kids were (pretty) well behaved, and we just hung out and didn’t do much. Lunchbox’s Father’s Day gift to me was to take me on a nice walk around the neighborhood. What a thoughtful puppy. Given the choice I think I’ll take LB’s walk over the babies’ poopy diapers, but they were both very nice gifts. Shae cooked me up some steak and potatoes for dinner (again, thanks mom), and we called it a day.

That’s about it for my first Father’s Day as a dad. Here are a few pics from my first Father’s Day with Jack and Ella:

OK, I’ve given this whole baby thing about 8 months and I have to say I just don’t get what all the fuss is about. Don’t get me wrong, I love my babies and they let me clean food off they’re mouths (awesome), but they seem overrated. Everyone makes such a fuss over every little thing they do, but I’m not impressed. I wish someone would get all excited about taking me for a damn walk.

Every little thing the babies do is such a huge event to the other humans, but I don’t understand it. They’re 8-months-old and everyone makes a big deal out of the girl baby learning to sit (Mom said to make sure to tell everyone that Ella is sitting now. See what I mean? I can’t even write a blog post without having to plug the stupid babies). When I was 8-months I had already graduated my obedience class as Top Dog. Sitting? I was sitting by 4-months. Not just sitting, but sitting on command. Did everyone make a big deal out of me figuring out how to sit? Nope, they gave me a tiny treat and told me to do it again. Totally unfair.

Speaking of unfair, the double standard that Mommy and Daddy have between me and the babies is ridiculous. There is baby crap everywhere (and they’re toys look exactly like my toys), but I never chew on any of their toys. Not even the stuffed animals, and if you know me at all you know how hard that is. (I have chewed on the occasional pacifier, but seriously they’re delicious and they’re everywhere.) If I ever did eat a toy I would get in lots of trouble. Then there are the babies. They eat everything, even my toys. Today the baby girl threw all of her toys to the side and started eating my rope. When Mommy took that away she started eating my Kong. Did she get yelled at, or even scolded? Nope. Hell, the babies chew on ME and no one says anything to them. I just have to lay there and take it (although I secretly love the attention). Daddy got new glasses last week and the babies are always grabbing and pulling them. Of course, no one says anything to them. I licked his glasses today and got in trouble. One lick. Total crap.

I haven’t even mentioned all the stuff that the babies can’t even do yet. Apparently even something as basic as Ella crawling about a foot forward is worth talking about. Really? Crawling? She’s 8-months-old! I was running around before I was 1-week. Don’t even get me started on the house-breaking. I never took one dump in our house (I did drop a deuce at The Learning Garden once, but it wasn’t ours yet and it smelled weird), and it only took 2 weeks for me to figure out that I’m supposed to pee outside. The little humans have taken about 10,000 poops in the house and no one seems to care. I’ve heard rumors they even poop in stores. Imagine if I stopped and squatted in Target; I’d never hear the end of it. They just throw diapers on the babies and act like everything is fine. The worst part is no one seems to be trying to fix the problem. They don’t even take them out to the lawn to teach them to “hurry”. How are they ever going to learn?

There’s plenty of other ways I’m way better than the babies, but Mommy and Daddy want the laptop and I still have to check on all my Twitter friends so I better go. I love my babies, but I’ll love them a lot more when they can take me on a walk. Until then I’m going to go hide my toys so they stop eating them.

[Update: Here are some pictures of the babies torturing me!]