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Goodbye Lunchbox

Tuesday, May 14th, 2019

Shit. I wish I had a good way to start this post, but I don’t. I tried about 10 different things, and they all suck. You’d think that somewhere in the last week (or months) a good lede would have come to me, but nothing has. Pretty much as long as Shae and I have been the Lorigans, Lunchbox has been a part of the family. He’s been with us through everything: the good, the bad, and everything in between. And now he’s not. Shit.

I apologize in advance for the length of the rambling below. Lunchbox has been a huge part of our lives and I have a lot to say. Hard to believe, but Lunchbox is more than just a hilarious name even if that’s pretty much everyone’s initial reaction upon meeting him.

Back on April 28th, 2007, Shae and I were focused on a little event called our wedding. While we were busy with BBQ, beer, horseshoes, and a margarita fountain (and that whole ceremony thing too, I guess), we had no way of knowing that about 400 miles away there was a completely separate event that would also shape the next 12 years of our lives. We wouldn’t find out until three months later, but while Shae and I were saying our vows and partying, the dog who would be named Lunchbox was being born in Ramona, CA.

Like so many other things Shae and I have done, the decision to get a dog was made with almost no planning. From the day we’d moved into our house we had talked about getting a dog “someday”, but were never really serious about it. Then, one evening in July we saw a couple walking their dog and said, “Pretty dog! Screw it, let’s get a puppy!” An hour or so on Craigslist searching for Labrador puppies and a couple of emails later, we had an appointment to look at some pups. We drove to Ramona the next day to look at the Lab puppies and, shockingly, they were adorable. The smallest of the pups was ridiculously skinny, and clearly the other dogs took all of his food. Of course, as we interacted with the puppies the little guy was the one who came up to us and instantly bonded with Shae and me. There was no question, we’d found our dog. I wish there was some great story about the dog’s name, but honestly his name comes from a movie where someone called another character a “Tubby Lunchbox” and I thought Lunchbox would be a great name for a dog.

We knew Lunchie was really scrawny, but it wasn’t until we looked back at photos that we realized just how dangerously skinny he was. It was a good thing we adopted him when we did, or who knows what would have happened to the guy. We started him in training about a week after we brought him home, and our trainer was appalled at how thin he was. Once we explained that he’d actually put on several pounds since we got him she decided not to report us for puppy starvation, but she still made sure to monitor the little guy’s growth. The first puppy class was somewhere between sad and hilarious. Lunchbox wanted so badly to play with the other puppies, but he was also terrified so he hid out under our chair and peed a lot. A week later he realized he was missing out on a great thing and he became the wild dog of puppy class. He’d go on to be a 2x Top Dog and get his Canine Good Citizenship certificate, but I’ll never forget his cowering under the chair the first day.

For the first year and a half of his life, wherever we went the Box went with us. He was well known at Jitters (our neighborhood coffee shop) and Trolley Stop (our neighborhood deli). He was a huge “help” around the house on all of our projects, especially painting. We even took him with us on our annual camping trip to Death Valley. Because the rocks and ground were so hot, we got him some special hiking boots. He looked completely ridiculous, but for whatever reason he thought they were fun and just went crazy running around whenever we put them on him. Back in those days, Lunchbox was an occasional contributor to this blog (with a pretty foul mouth) and had his own Twitter account. Mr. Box would have been happy for things to continue on the way they were, but then in October of 2008 his life was thrown into chaos by the arrival of two tiny little people.

From the day we brought Ella and Jackson home, Lunchbox was obsessed with them; they were HIS babies. He guarded them while they slept, and would sleep by their crib if they were crying. He even got to go on lots of walks around the neighborhood with the kiddos riding in their stroller. Sadly for the pup, over time the kids took more and more of our attention and he got less. Lunchie didn’t get to go everywhere with us like he used to, but I think he was happy with the trade to have his kiddos. Jackson, especially, had a special bond with his yellow dog and we could always count on Lunchbox to calm Jackson down if needed.

We still aren’t entirely sure what happened, but in the summer of 2014 the Lorigan humans made a trip to Disneyland and left the Lorigan dog at his normal kennel. We don’t know if it was bad food, the ridiculous heat, some combination, or something completely different, but when we picked up LB from the kennel he was in awful shape. The kennel spun some story about him being sick when he got there, but that was complete bullshit (we obviously never took him or any dog back there and made sure to recommend against them to anyone who asked). He was severely dehydrated, and had several other issues. We took him to a 24-hour vet and got some fluids into him, but he still wasn’t great. Over the next few days, our pup seemed to get over the initial issues but he was having serious problems. Based on discussions with our vet, we were fairly certain LB had some pretty serious issues and only had a few weeks or (best case) months. We basically decided to just enjoy the time we had left, while also starting the search for our next pup. We thought if Lunchie could hold out until we got the puppy maybe he could pass on some of that great training (did I mention he was a 2x Top Dog?)

Of course, we had no idea what was in store for us when we brought Whiskey into our home. I have no idea why, but bringing home a new pup seemed to completely revitalize Lunchbox. The second we brought her into the house he started jumping around and playing with her like he was young again. Shae and I were both shocked, it was like he jumped in a time machine. Over the next couple of weeks, LB was still our grumpy old man-dog, but most of his health issues just magically resolved themselves. I still have no clue why he turned around, but we have enjoyed the past five years with him.

The move to Colorado was an adjustment for Lunchbox. He loved his new yard, but the stairs were not his jam (I’ll miss a lot of things about the Box, but the barking at the bottom of the stairs until he realized he could just walk up them won’t be one). Then there was his battle with a deer. Well, battle may be giving LB too much credit; the deer went after him while he was…ummm…relieving himself…and gave him a nice puncture in his side to go with bruises from being dragged around the yard. And, of course, the snow…oh the snow. Our San Diego dog had no interest in that white stuff. While Whiskey would run around having the time of her life in the snow, Lunchie just gave us his snow look, turned back around, and ran back in the house.

Several times since the incident five years ago, Lunchbox has seemed like he was on his last legs and then managed to bounce back. About once a year we were prepped for the end and then a few days later he’d be back to his normal grumpy self. This time, he didn’t bounce back. After a rough week or so, last night Lunchie’s rear legs completely gave out and he was extremely uncomfortable all night. This morning, we took Lunchbox into the vet and had him put down. The vet was amazing at helping us deal with things, but Shae and I were still a complete mess.

So, I guess that’s it. Lunchbox was an amazing member of our family and the perfect dog for us. Today is tough: the kids are crushed, Whiskey is confused, and Shae and I are just trying to hold it together. I can’t imagine life without him, but I guess we’re going to figure that out. I’ll miss him running to greet us with a sock in his mouth, even though the sock was buried under 10 of his toys. I’ll miss the looks from everyone around me when I yell out Lunchbox’s name in a crowded dog park. If I’m being honest, I’m even going to miss his stupid barking at the bottom the stairs.

Thanks, Lunchbox. Sleep well, buddy.

Update From Lunchbox

Tuesday, May 30th, 2017

Hey everyone! Long time no blog. I’d like to blame the humans for not letting me on the laptop anymore, but honestly I’m just too old and tired to be bothered to share my awesome thoughts with the world. Oh, and my toenails are too long. Well, since I recently got a trim and there’s a ton to fill you guys in on, I decided to sneak Mommy’s laptop out of her bag and let you guys know what’s really going on.

A ton has changed since last time I put paw to keyboard, most notably that the annoying babies have turned into even more annoying kids. However, there is one thing that bears mentioning above the rest: the little bitch. The humans scold me when I call her that, but what else do you call a female dog who’s smaller than you? They call her Whiskey, but I’m pretty sure that’s just because they’re alcoholics and now no one can tell if they’re getting drunk or scolding the brown monster. Whatever her name is, a little over two years ago the humans brought home the insane monstrosity known as Whiskey. Sure, she started out cute but that got old about a month later when she chewed on my shoulder so much that I had to go into surgery to get a tiny little tumor removed (fine Dad, it was huge and gross). Anyway, the tumor wasn’t a problem for almost 8 years until she showed up. Since then, it’s been week after week of torture from my new “sister”. She’s always stealing my bed, stealing attention, and getting both of us in trouble. I’m sure I’m supposed to say I love her, so sure. Whatever. If you think she’s cute, you live with her. I could go on for hours about how annoying Whiskey is, but lately there’s more going on I need to fill you in on.

I’m not really sure what’s going on, but there is weird shit going on with the humans. It started a couple of months ago with putting a bunch of stuff in boxes. They were nice enough to avoid any of my stuff, but they did pack up a lot of the small human’s toys that I use when I can’t find my toys fast enough. Then, a weird sign appeared in the front yard. Shortly after, things got REALLY weird. All kinds of new people started coming by the house. You’d think that would annoy me, but it was great! Every time someone new came by, I got to go for a walk (which is awesome, even if the bitch has to go too). Occasionally, we’d even go to parks, restaurants, etc. It was like the old days, before the small humans took over. Lately the visitors have dropped off, but the packing has picked up again. Today, three strangers came over and put everything we own in boxes. They even boxed up almost all of my toys (I’d be annoyed, but brown poop-monster steals them all anyway). 

I’m not sure what’s going on, but the humans keep talking about how we are going to be “Colorado dogs” or “snow dogs”. So, when the humans were at dinner tonight I did a little Googling and figured out that Colorado is a state halfway across the country. Don’t even get me started on this “snow” shit. I watched some videos of dogs playing in snow that look like tons of fun, if you’re three or four. I’m 10! I’m way too old for this shit! I also looked up how long I’m going to have to share the back of the car with the beast. Three days?!? No thanks. Maybe whoever moves into our house wants an awesome, super-smart, well behaved “mature” dog.

That’s what’s going on in the life of Lunchbox lately. Annoying kids, super-annoying sister, and now this whole moving thing. So, basically the humans continue to suck and I continue to pay the consequences.


On the Homefront

Wednesday, July 18th, 2012

So, it has been a little over 5 years since we moved into our house.  When we first bought it, all the rooms were hideous colors and the kitchen was in desperate need of a make over.  Well, we took care of the color issue for the most part.  We still need to paint the office, but since that will be Jack’s room in a few years, he can pick the color when he moves in.  The kitchen is still God awful, but that’s just not in the budget right now.  One of the biggest projects I wanted to tackle when we moved in was the front and back yards.  In the front yard we basically have a shit load of jasmine bushes and some ugly bushes.  Part of the year we have some lilies that bloom.  I hate lilies!  Well, the other day we were out trimming the ugliest of the ugly bushes.  It is the one that happens to be totally blocking the kids window and is taller than our house.  Anyways, rather than trimming, I said what the hell and just started cutting it down.  I guess that was the jumping off point.  We have finally fixed our sprinklers so hopefully our lawn will come back nice and pretty.  We will most likely have to throw some seed out there too since our lawns have never actually looked good.  The next step will be to take out the dreaded jasmine bushes.  Don’t ask me why we decided to do this in the middle of summer when it is God awful hot, but hey, at least it’s getting done!!  I think one of the hardest parts is that we only have so much room in our yard waste cans and we don’t really have a way to haul a big load down to the dump so we are just doing a little at a time.  Now we just need to decide what do do with all the empty space we will have.  It is already nicely edged with some pretty bricks.

For the back yard, this will be an even bigger project!!!  In the fall when it starts to cool down, we are going to tear down the “sunroom”  This is a “room” that the previous owners built by using two carport frames, some tarps, some plywood, and some lattice.  Oh, and to keep it from leaking where it is butted up against the house, they used pool noodles.  I shit you not.  They actually used pool noodles!!!  Up until now it has been fine for storage, but it is starting to leak and it has always looked like we were living Arkansas with a guy and a banjo.  Soooo, come this fall, it is coming down!!!  In its place I will be building 4 raised garden beds.  I’m really excited about teaching the kids all about where our food comes from and maybe it will encourage them to actually eat something if they grew it.

The backyard is also home to a dead lawn that Lunchbox uses as his shitter.  Well, we are thinking of just tilling it all under and putting down some fresh sod.  when we moved in the lawn was sort of green, but it was mostly weeds that got mowed down every so often.  I’m hoping we can get the dog to take his business elsewhere, but that may be hard.  To finish it off back there, I was thinking of doing a playhouse for the kids for Christmas.  Shhhhh, don’t tell Pat!!!!


The 4th

Friday, July 10th, 2009

Last weekend marked our first 4th of July with Jack and Ella.  As much as I hate travelling on holiday weekends, I somehow got sucked into heading up to King City/Lockwood at the last minute.  There was a lot of driving, but the babies were big hits, and it was pretty fun.  Here’s a recap:

After the longest 3-day work-week I can imagine, I got to top it off with a 380-mile drive after work on Wednesday (with the stylish top-carrier strapped to the roof, of course). The traffic was pretty light considering the upcoming holiday, but a brush fire on the Grapevine slowed us down a lot and the trip ended up taking over seven hours. The fire was about five miles from Smokey Bear Rd., and I couldn’t help but think that maybe Smokey should stop telling us to prevent forest fires and take care of his own backyard. Oh well, what can you do? Eventually we got to Lockwood, dealt with upset babies (Ella did not like being moved into the Pack-N-Play in the middle of the night), and got a couple of hours of sleep.

Thursday was pretty quiet. We spent most of the day recovering from Wednesday’s drive and trying to get some sleep. Shae had a (paying) photo shoot in the morning, so she left the kids with me and went to take some pics. Luckily, I was able to pawn the kiddos off on Grandma Grace and Kat (Grace’s 17-year-old cousin who was visiting Lockwood and hitched a ride back to SD with us) and get in a nice, long nap. Outside of Shae sneaking in her own three hour nap later, not much else happened on Thursday.

Friday, however, was not quite as lazy. We decided to take the babies and Mr. Box down to Cayucos to go to the beach. Shae, myself, the babies, the Box, Shae’s parents, my mom, and Kat piled into two vehicles and headed down to play in the sand. It was a beautiful day down in Cayucos, and everyone had an awesome time…especially Lunchbox. In fact, I think I should turn things over to LB to recap his day.

Oh, my God! The beach was awesome! The humans told me that I would be able to run free, but of course once we got there they pointed to some stupid sign with a dog on a leash and said I was on lockdown. What a crock! Oh well, I was so happy to be able to get to go with everyone that I didn’t really care I had to walk the humans all day. Eventually we got the human babies (and all their crap…seriously, I have a leash and a collar, why do the babies need so much stuff?) out of the car and headed over to the beach. Daddy had a lot of trouble pushing the giant stroller through the sand, and he was taking forever to get close to the water. It wouldn’t have been that bad, but the sand was HOT. I mean really hot. My feet were burning up, and eventually Mom had to take me up to the cooler sand because someone finally noticed me “suggesting” we hurry (as in move quickly, not pee).

This seems like a good time to make sure everyone reading this understands how awesome sand is (the cool stuff, not that super hot crap…that SUCKS). I hadn’t been to the beach before and couldn’t believe it was full of soft dirt perfect for digging. How come the humans hid this from me for so long? We live in frickin’ San Diego! I’ve said it before, but my human parents are lame.

Anyway, my grandmas picked out the best spot on the beach, and then the humans set up blankets and towels for the babies and ate some food (I didn’t get any of course, although I asked very nicely). While they were eating, I noticed a lot of other dogs running around the beach without leashes. One dog was actually carrying his own leash in his mouth (Mom and Dad told me that’s not what the sign meant when it said dogs had to be on a leash, but the other dog didn’t seem to care). I pointed all of this out to my human parents, but they just ignored me (as usual). Once Dad was done eating, he and Grandma Jane took me on a walk down the beach. That’s when the fun really started.

Dad took me over to the ocean and let me play in the water. I just want to let everyone know you shouldn’t drink the ocean water. It’s gross, just trust me on this one. After a few minutes of playing in the water, I guess Dad and Grandma decided we were far enough from other people because I got let off my leash. AWESOME! The first thing I did was run up and say “hi” to a jogger. She didn’t mind, but Dad wasn’t too happy so I decided to behave before I got put back on my leash. To any dogs out there: stop reading right now and get to a beach. I got to play in the water (it’s fun to chase…way better than a lake where the water barely moves), chase after birds, run all over the cool, soft, wet sand, and even play with another dog for a little bit. I could barely contain myself. Eventually it was time to head back, so I had to go back on leash (but not before Mommy came over and got some pics of me playing). Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Back at “camp” (AKA three blankets and an umbrella), I decided if I couldn’t play in the water I’d do the next best thing: dig a giant hole. I got in trouble for kicking sand all over the babies, so I had to go away from camp and dig. Beach sand might just be the best digging sand ever. I dug, and dug (Kat helped me a little), and eventually had the perfect hole. Then, just for fun, I peed in it. Back to digging. A few minutes later I had a perfect hole again and it was time to take a break. The beach was exhausting, and I was pooped (not literally, and not in my hole…that would be gross). I can’t wait to go back to a beach, I hope the humans read this and take me sometime soon. Like tomorrow.


Wow…I guess LB had a lot to say about the beach. We’ll have to take him to one of the SD dog beaches sometime soon since he was so good at Cayucos.  The babies seemed to have fun (well, they got lots of sand all over so I’m assuming they had fun), and didn’t get burned (more than I can say for Shae, myself, and my mom). I’m not a huge beach guy, but it was a lot of fun.

Saturday (the 4th)
After our day at the beach, it was time for the babies to have their first 4th of July. It took us a while, but eventually we got packed up and moved the party into King City. After unpacking at my mom’s house, we headed over to San Lorenzo Park for Heritage Days (basically, the annual 4th of July car show/festival). The babies were dressed in some very patriotic outfits, and they got lots of attention. We did some visiting, had some Swiss sausage, and then went home so the munchkins could get some naps.

Saturday evening, we headed out to Vicki and Ed’s for some dinner (more Swiss sausage). Jack and Ella were quite the hit, especially Ella. She was sitting in the middle of the room “singing” and swinging her arms like the conductor of an orchestra. The ladies thought she was the cutest thing ever, while the guys sat in the other room and chatted. Jack was cute too, but Ella was the attention hog on Saturday. At one point, she crawled over to Shae and actually begged for some of Shae’s dessert. Seriously, she begged just like a dog (complete with puppy dog eyes). I was appalled when Shae actually gave her a taste of her dessert. We don’t reward LB for begging for food, why does Ella get a treat (Jack got some too, but I didn’t catch that one).

Sunday was another quiet day. Shae wanted to get a picture of Ella in some leg warmers for some photography/prop contest and got it in her head that the train tracks were the perfect place for the shot. My mom stood guard over LB and Jack, while I tried to keep Ella in one spot and limit the amount of railroad-track-rocks that made it into her mouth (I did better at keeping her in one spot than keeping rocks out of her mouth).

The rest of the day was pretty quiet. The babies took a couple of really good naps, and I actually completely forgot about them for a few hours. That was kind of nice. A few people stopped by to see the kids, but mostly it was a very laid back day.

After Ella and Jackson were down for the night, Shae and I snuck out to catch a movie. Just a slight rant here, but why do people think it’s OK to bring babies to R-rated movies (or any movie for that matter)? If I wanted to hear a baby cry, I could have stayed home and startled Jack. I really don’t understand why they allow parents to bring babies into theaters, but I really wish it would stop. Any theater that comes out with a policy that no babies/toddlers are allowed into movie showings (except for the “Mommy Movie” showings, and maybe the G-rated flicks) will have 100% of my movie business (assuming they actually play the movies I want to see). Either that, or make it more expensive to take a kid to a movie than to hire a baby-sitter. That would probably fix the problem too. OK, done with that rant.

Another travel day. After getting everything packed up, we loaded up the car (with extra cargo since we were giving Kat a ride back to SD), wedged Shae in between the babies, and hit the road. I somehow forgot we were driving on a Monday instead of a Sunday and timed our departure completely wrong (causing us to end up in LA at 4:00…great timing), but we got lucky and hit minimal traffic (all things considered). When got home, we discovered the house hadn’t cleaned itself up like we had hoped, but we were just happy to be back so we weren’t too hard on it.

That’s about it for our weekend. We’re still working on getting all of our pictures uploaded, but here’s some pics of our day at the beach. We’ll throw some more on this post in the next couple of days, and you can always check out our photo page.

Dad’s Day

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

This past weekend I got to experience my first Father’s Day as a dad. I was expecting a tie or maybe a some tools from the kids, but instead they gave me some stinky diapers. They’re the best. Since Shae got a tote bag and a table saw for Mother’s Day, I was half-expecting a screwdriver and a vacuum. Instead, I got a digital picture frame (thanks Shae) and some steaks/chicken/other tasty goodies (thanks mom). Besides the gifts, here’s the rest of my first Father’s Day weekend with the kids.

Lunchbox’s toenails had gotten pretty long and he wasn’t very cooperative when we tried to trim them, so on Friday I took him to Petco (the store, not the ballpark) to get a pawdicure. It would be an understatement to say that LB wasn’t excited about this, but he got through it. As a reward for being so brave Lunchbox got to take a trip to the dog park. It was quiet at the park, but one of the two other dogs looked like Mr. Box’s twin. There were a few times I actually found myself getting the dogs mixed up. The easiest way to tell them apart was that Baxter was the humper and LB was the humpee. After quite a while of being humped, Lunchbox was exhausted and it was time to head home.

As soon as I got home, Shae somehow suckered me into going to REI to look at baby-backpacks. We are taking the babies to Sedona next month, and Shae convinced me we need the backpacks so we can take the kids on some hikes. The plan was to try on the packs at REI and then buy an old model from someone on Craigslist, but of course we ended up leaving the store with two new backpacks. Funny how that happens. (Actually, the new ones have some additional storage that is really nice…I think we made a good decision…I’m going to keep telling myself that.)

Father’s Day weekend was one of three “fee-free weekends” at a bunch of national parks (details here), so we decided to head over to the Point Loma Lighthouse/Cabrillo Monument with the kiddos.  If nothing else it was a good excuse to get out of the house and try out our new packs, so we loaded up the car and headed to Point Loma. We met up with Chris, Patty, and Chris’ cousin Andrew (taking a break from his stay on an aircraft carrier to get some training in SD) for lunch at Olive Tree Market and then drove out to the lighthouse.

If you’ve ever been up to the top of the Point Loma Lighthouse (or probably any old lighthouse for that matter), you know how tight and crowded the staircase is; adding a framed backpack and a baby makes it a real challenge. After quite a bit of squeezing and contorting we managed to get up to the top and Shae took a few pictures (surprise). When we were done at the lighthouse, we took a nice downhill walk back to the car, made a quick stop for a chai tea freddo at Peet’s, and called it a day.

Sunday was nice and relaxed, so there’s not a lot to retell. Shae made me a nice breakfast, the kids were (pretty) well behaved, and we just hung out and didn’t do much. Lunchbox’s Father’s Day gift to me was to take me on a nice walk around the neighborhood. What a thoughtful puppy. Given the choice I think I’ll take LB’s walk over the babies’ poopy diapers, but they were both very nice gifts. Shae cooked me up some steak and potatoes for dinner (again, thanks mom), and we called it a day.

That’s about it for my first Father’s Day as a dad. Here are a few pics from my first Father’s Day with Jack and Ella:

What’s The Big Deal? – Updated

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

OK, I’ve given this whole baby thing about 8 months and I have to say I just don’t get what all the fuss is about. Don’t get me wrong, I love my babies and they let me clean food off they’re mouths (awesome), but they seem overrated. Everyone makes such a fuss over every little thing they do, but I’m not impressed. I wish someone would get all excited about taking me for a damn walk.

Every little thing the babies do is such a huge event to the other humans, but I don’t understand it. They’re 8-months-old and everyone makes a big deal out of the girl baby learning to sit (Mom said to make sure to tell everyone that Ella is sitting now. See what I mean? I can’t even write a blog post without having to plug the stupid babies). When I was 8-months I had already graduated my obedience class as Top Dog. Sitting? I was sitting by 4-months. Not just sitting, but sitting on command. Did everyone make a big deal out of me figuring out how to sit? Nope, they gave me a tiny treat and told me to do it again. Totally unfair.

Speaking of unfair, the double standard that Mommy and Daddy have between me and the babies is ridiculous. There is baby crap everywhere (and they’re toys look exactly like my toys), but I never chew on any of their toys. Not even the stuffed animals, and if you know me at all you know how hard that is. (I have chewed on the occasional pacifier, but seriously they’re delicious and they’re everywhere.) If I ever did eat a toy I would get in lots of trouble. Then there are the babies. They eat everything, even my toys. Today the baby girl threw all of her toys to the side and started eating my rope. When Mommy took that away she started eating my Kong. Did she get yelled at, or even scolded? Nope. Hell, the babies chew on ME and no one says anything to them. I just have to lay there and take it (although I secretly love the attention). Daddy got new glasses last week and the babies are always grabbing and pulling them. Of course, no one says anything to them. I licked his glasses today and got in trouble. One lick. Total crap.

I haven’t even mentioned all the stuff that the babies can’t even do yet. Apparently even something as basic as Ella crawling about a foot forward is worth talking about. Really? Crawling? She’s 8-months-old! I was running around before I was 1-week. Don’t even get me started on the house-breaking. I never took one dump in our house (I did drop a deuce at The Learning Garden once, but it wasn’t ours yet and it smelled weird), and it only took 2 weeks for me to figure out that I’m supposed to pee outside. The little humans have taken about 10,000 poops in the house and no one seems to care. I’ve heard rumors they even poop in stores. Imagine if I stopped and squatted in Target; I’d never hear the end of it. They just throw diapers on the babies and act like everything is fine. The worst part is no one seems to be trying to fix the problem. They don’t even take them out to the lawn to teach them to “hurry”. How are they ever going to learn?

There’s plenty of other ways I’m way better than the babies, but Mommy and Daddy want the laptop and I still have to check on all my Twitter friends so I better go. I love my babies, but I’ll love them a lot more when they can take me on a walk. Until then I’m going to go hide my toys so they stop eating them.

[Update: Here are some pictures of the babies torturing me!]

An Update From The Box

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

I’ve decided that I’m tired of letting the humans write my posts for me, so I decided to get my own account and take care of things myself. It’s only fitting since I’m such a grown up dog now (2 years old!). I’ve got my own email address (, and I’m even on Twitter ( I’m quite the Web 2.0 puppy (I guess that makes me “Lunchbx”).

This weekend was the big yard sale in my ‘hood. For the humans this means lots of sunscreen and shopping. For me, it just means a super long walk. Last year was crazy. It was really hot and there were humans everywhere. Cars were parked on the median, and on every curb. There were so many crotches to sniff! Of course, Mommy still had babies inside her (the good old days as I call them) so we had to take lots of breaks. This year it was a lot cooler and there weren’t as many humans.

After the humans finally got out of bed and fed me and the babies, it was time to go on our walk. I was so excited about the yard sales that I grabbed a $5 bill out of my private stash (I’ll never tell where it is) and brought it to Mommy to buy me stuff. Of course, we couldn’t just go walk. I threw on my pirate outfit (you never know who you might meet at the yard sale, gotta impress the bitches (I can say that, I’m a dog)) and was ready to go, but the human babies take forever to leave. They had to have cute outfits, hats, sunscreen, bottles, and everything else the humans could find. Those little things sure are a lot of work. It’s bad enough when they wake me up at night, but getting in the way of my walk is completely unacceptable. Anyway, eventually all of the humans were ready and it was finally time to go out and get our walk on.

Since my human parents don’t trim my toenails often enough, it’s a little tough to type everything up so I’ll just skip to the highlights. We walked all over the area and saw tons of humans and even some other dogs. Apparently the humans didn’t find anything they liked, because they didn’t buy anything but some breakfast burritos (they spent my $5 and didn’t even give me any, totally not fair). I got to play a little with a Wiemariener (any idea how hard that is for a dog to spell?) at one of the houses, but we had to leave before the W and I started breaking stuff. The craziest thing I saw was two dogs being walked in strollers like the human babies. Why would the dogs agree to that? What’s the point of going on a walk if you don’t, you know, walk? Some dogs are lame. You won’t catch me riding in a stroller. Mommy’s ankle has been acting up lately, so we had to cut our stroll short (if an hour-and-a-half is short). I was so tired when we finally got home, so I pretty much napped the rest of the day. I can’t wait until next year’s yard sale.

The humans want to use the laptop so I guess I better wrap this up and go get some water. Typing is a lot of work. I’m exhausted. Time for a nap.

2 Years

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

Tomorrow is April 28th, which means it’s been two years to the day since Lunchbox was born. There was something about a wedding on that day, too. While it’s easy to see LB is only two-years-old (he seems more like six-months), it’s hard to believe that a couple of years ago Shae and I weren’t married. Two years ago I didn’t really expect to have one kid by now, much less two. Nevertheless, here we are. Quite a couple of years.

I’ve been pretty swamped between work and home lately, so I hadn’t noticed it has been almost three weeks since the last post. I guess that means it’s time for an update on how things are going around here.

The babies are doing great. They keep growing, and their personalities keep developing like crazy. They aren’t crawling yet, but Ella’s close and they both roll enough to end up across the room if you take your eyes off them for a second. A couple of weeks ago Shae took the little ones with her up to Lockwood for a week, and it was hard to believe how different they were when they got back. They’re on a pretty good schedule lately, and are sleeping through about half the time now (Or so I’ve been told. Shae quiets them down so quick I don’t even hear them).

Lunchbox is doing his thing. As much as he acts annoyed by the new additions, he loves his babies and missed them when they were gone. Even though he got taken on lots of extra walks and got tons of attention (funny how that works when there are no babies around), he was a little depressed while they were gone. Every morning after breakfast he would run into the baby-room to see if they were there, go check Shae’s side of the bed, look at me with a sad puppy-look, and then go plop and his bed and pout until he got put out for the day. He was VERY happy to get the rest of his family back. Almost as happy as Ella was to see him. Seriously, she might be a little too into her dog; she loves him more than she loves either of her parents.

Shae’s doing fine too. She’s back on one of her photography kicks, so she’s been playing with our cameras and taking tons of pictures. That would be fine, except then she wants me to look at them. “That’s a nice picture of a window.” “Good picture of the door there.” “Oooh, that’s a great shot of a window and a door.” Repeat. Oh, and somewhere in between taking pictures she finds time to take care of the kiddos.

As for me, I’m doing fine. Work is a little crazy lately, but everything is pretty good. I took over as the lead of our web team, so now instead of doing any real work I spend all of my time answering email and preparing PowerPoint briefs. Fun. It would be nice to be able to do some development occasionally, but overall things are going pretty well at work.

That brings us to the Great Rodent War of 2009. Since our last update, things haven’t changed much. We don’t have any more casualties to report, but we’ve deployed the weapons of mass rodent-struction (AKA D-Con) up in the attic and are just waiting on the little mice to eat themselves to death. Don’t worry, we will emerge victorious.

Pretty Slow

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

Sorry for the lack of updates, but there hasn’t been much excitement to report. Basically, everyone is doing fine. We’ve kind of settled into a routine, and even though it’s exhausting everything is going pretty smoothly. I get up bright and early and go to work, Shae deals with babies all day, and then we get a few hours of shared baby time before going to bed and then starting the whole thing over again. We’ve actually been able to put the babies to bed between 8 and 9 most nights lately so we even get an hour or two of rest, which really helps.

The babies are doing the whole eat, cry, and poop thing. They are still growing, and their personalities keep developing every day. It’s great coming home from work and having both of them look at me and smile. They are very into what’s going on, and love staring at the TV (especially Jack). They’re even starting to interact with each other a little bit, and pretty soon I think they’ll be having their own little “conversations” constantly. They’ll be 4 months old on Saturday, but it’s still hard to fully believe that I have two kids. The little ones have a doctor’s appointment on the 11th so we should have another update on how they’re doing after that. All I know is that if Jack is still below average weight then I don’t know how heavy baby boys are supposed to be. He’s quite the little porker.

Other than the babies, there really isn’t much else going on. Lunchbox is doing fine, but I’m sure he’d disagree and argue that he needs more attention and walks. He was able to fit in two walks, a trip to OB, and some play time at the dog park over the weekend, so things could be worse for the Box. The babies seem about due to poop on someone, so I’m sure there will be some fun to report one of these days.

Silly Humans (From The Desk Of Lunchbox Lorigan)

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

OK so my human parents finally gave be permission to write my own blog post. This past weekend they threw me in the back of the car and we all headed off to Mission Trails park. Ever since the human babies were born, my parents have not had as much time to go hiking and exploring with me. Well, on Saturday they decided it was too nice of a day to stay inside. It was 80 degrees in the middle of January. This is my favorite temperature because I love dragging my bed into the sun and soakin’ up the rays. Anyway, back to my story. Since I was coming along and I tend to be a little demanding, there was no room for the stroller in the back of their car. The humans had to strap that thing to the roof of the car. It looked pretty silly. After they put the stroller on the roof, my human daddy had to lift me into the back of the car because I am a demanding dog and I don’t like doing things myself. Off to the park we went.

Once we got the the park and the humans unloaded the stroller and got the babies strapped in, Erica showed up. I got sooo excited! My tail was wagging so much. While they were getting things loaded into that monster stroller, the little human girl started screaming. I tried to sniff her to see if it was her diaper, but that wasn’t it. I then licked her face to see if she had recently eaten, but there were no milk leftovers so I had to go tell the human she was hungry and they need to stick a bottle in her mouth so she would stop barking. After she got her bottle, we headed to the trail.

Now, I just have to say, my human dad got mom an accessory kit for her new camera lens for an early birthday present, so do you know what she did the entire hike? Yeah, she kept taking pictures. I swear, we would walk about 10 feet and then we had to stop so she could take a picture of a leaf or a rock or some other annoying thing that made me stop. She also had this need to take a million pictures of me with me feet up on stuff. She says I need to pose for a book she is working on, but all I heard was, “blah, blah, blah, Paws Up.” At least I got lots of treats every time I did it. Anyway, the walk was pretty mellow after that. The highlight of the walk was when the humans let me off my leash and I ran around all crazy. I made the humans chase me around to try and catch me. I finally let them catch me because I didn’t want them to get in trouble by a ranger. After more photos and a stroller on the roof, we headed home for the day.

I thought my good luck ended when we got home, but I was wrong. We got to go back to the park on Monday since it was apparently a holiday, what ever that is. OK, so we go through the whole loading the car spectacle again, and again I have to laugh at the stroller on the roof. We got to the park and Erica was there again. I was soooo excited. I got to see her so much last weekend!

Usually when we go to the park, the humans take me on a trail that makes a nice loop. It is pretty easy and only has one little hill. The trail is almost like a dirt road. Nice and wide. The humans say it is perfect for the monster stroller. This time we did the loop backwards so my human mom didn’t have to push the stroller up the hill. This is where the real adventure started.

The hike started off like a normal little hike. We should have known something was up when we saw the orange plastic fence. Well, I think it was orange since I can’t exactly see colors. The fence was blocking our normal path. The path that we were rerouted on was a narrow single track path. At this point, I would think that most humans who have great big strollers that don’t fit on single track paths would turn around. Nope, not my humans. They just made sure the sun shades were down so the branches didn’t hit the small ones. I hung back with Erica and kind of laughed at the scene that was before me. I thought it was going to be the funniest thing, but I was wrong. The funniest thing came next.

We got to a point on this narrow little path that started going down hill. This was not the normal down hill that we are used to. This was STEEP! Not just steep, but rocky and steep. Now again, most people would have turned around. Not my humans. Mom thought this would be a good time to switch lenses on her camera. she was right. Like always. This monster stroller does not have a hand brake on it so when the humans started down this narrow, steep, rocky path, it was HILARIOUS! The first thing mom asked was if the babies were strapped in good. Dad went down the hill first with the camera and to catch the stroller if mom lost control. OK, so we all started down the hill and things were going pretty good. Good thing it was really rocky because the front wheel kept getting stuck and slowed the monster down. At one point human mom stopped in a very awkward position and yelled down at human dad that she might need some help. He was like, “Lets just trade places, I can push it down just fine.” Mom gave a little chuckle and then put the brake on and they traded places. At this point Mom ran down the hill with the camera. Dad let off the brake and tried going down the hill. He yelled down to Mom that he too might need some help. I was totally laughing at this. Mom had to run back up the hill and grab the front of the stroller and put her weight against it and they got it down the hill. The little humans were jostled but they made it. I thought I smelled something funny when we got down the hill and it turns out that the ride literally scared the shit out of the human boy. We all laughed. At the bottom of the hill Mom took a picture of the two paths and the detour sign so you can see the two paths next to each other.

The rest of the walk was pretty easy. They kept stopping to take more annoying pictures of me, but I at least got to climb a tree and that was pretty fun. It was like I was a cat. I like cats. They poop and I like to eat it. It makes the humans mad, but I can’t help myself. Sorry! Puppy-ADD, or PADD, took over. Back to the story. More pictures of leaves, and dirt. At the end of the hike we had a choice of two trails. The one on the left went up to the pavement and the one on the right went by more stupid leaves and dirt. We picked the leaves and dirt. Guess what this path had? Stairs. The stairs where made of railroad ties and logs so things were not exactly evenly spaced. The humans made it down the first set pretty easily. When they had to go up the last set the spacing was just wrong and they ended up having to carry it. I was torn on what to think. Part of me was happy because it was so funny, but I knew this was the end of the trail and we would have to go home. I have to say, it was better then a walk around the block. I guess the humans are glad they had a 4-wheel drive stroller, or I should say 3-wheel drive.

The humans posted photos from our trips over in their gallery.