Strippers, Babies, and Ponies

Written by Pat on August 7th, 2008

Just a few random thoughts and stories from the past week or so. I’m too lazy to worry about transition sentences, so we’re going with a list.

  • A couple of blocks up the road from my house there’s a “Gentlemen’s Club” with the classy name “Little Darlings”. “Little Darlings” is the only building on either side of the road for a block or so. It’s painted orange with turquoise trim (until recently it was pink). Most days there is a sign out front on the sidewalk advertising the current event/special: “Free lunch 12-4pm. No cover until 4pm!”, “Thursday night: Bridget the Midget”, “Wednesday: Pudding night”, etc. Seriously, I didn’t make any of those up; they’re all actual ads that have been on the board at least once in the past year. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the place doesn’t exactly blend in. I’m pretty sure the blind guys at the convalescent home down the block can see it. So imagine my surprise when a few weeks ago they started putting up tons of bright balloons on the sidewalk every day. Is there really anyone driving by who somehow missed the orange/turquoise building, free lunch, and Bridget the Midget who sees some balloons and says to himself “Ooohh! Balloons! Wait…is that a strip club? I have to stop right now!”? On second thought, I like balloons…I’ll be right back.
  • Ella and Jackson are still growing like crazy (that’s why you get a list…I’m not even going to attempt to transition from “Little Darlings” to my little darlings). Shae tells me that in the past couple of days they have grown much faster than her belly. Right now Jackson is sticking out the lower-right side of Shae’s belly and Ella’s jutting out the upper-left. You can actually push them into each other and then feel them kick each other. I’m sure they love that.
  • Staying with the babies, my daughter kicked me in the face the other day. I’ve heard of this happening to others, but it’s still a little upsetting when your kid kicks you in the mouth. I was explaining to Ella that if she didn’t stop kicking her mother in the ribs she wasn’t going to be the favorite when she came out. Apparently she didn’t like that so she responded with a kick to my mouth. Having a daughter is going to be super.
  • On Saturday, we (we being me, Chris, Patty, Lamb, and Wendy) went up to the Del Mar Fair and caught some horse races. Nothing quite like putting down a huge $2 on the 2-horse and having the ticket guy frown at you. “$2 on Number 3. Anything else? No? Really? Huh.” I’m sure everyone will be shocked, but I didn’t win a single bet. That’s right, I squandered away a whole $10. I even managed to lose despite betting on 3 horses in a 4 horse race. Yet another thing I’m awesome at.
  • They had a chili cookoff at the racetrack so we got to wander around with a little plastic cup and spoon and taste a bunch of chili. After trying most of the contenders I had consumed almost enough chili to consider it a free lunch. I think everyone was scared of being too spicy for the horse racing crowd because none of the chili was the least bit spicy. I turned in my ballot with #109 at the top and felt pretty confident in my vote. Then my buddy Lamb came over and asked if I had tried the one that tasted exactly like Stagg chili. Sure enough, when I thought about it #109 tasted like it came right out of the can. I have outstanding taste.
  • If you want to end this post on a happy note, you should probably skip right down to the quote(s) from Shizzle. If you’re still reading you probably stayed one race too long, just like us. Jumping back to early in the day, we were waiting to pay for parking and Chris tried to sound like he knew something about horse racing by throwing out “I’m putting my money on the 5 horse in the 7th race.” Nevermind the fact none of us knew if there were even 7 races (there were 10 actually), it was an impressive show of racing lingo. After a day of chili and racing the 7th race finally came around and Chris put down his big money ($2 of course) on “Crazy Cash”. There’s no way this could go bad, right? Wrong. After shooting out to an early lead, Crazy Cash proceeded to fall to the back of the pack. By the time we turned around to watch the horses finish (the screen and the track were on opposite sides of us so we watched most of the race on the screen and then the finish “live”), Crazy Cash was nowhere to be seen. Finally, CC came into view. Just as I was making a comment to Chris about his awesome skill at picking winners, I noticed that CC was missing a jockey and seemed to be limping. Somewhere towards the end of the race (after we had turned around) CC had fallen and broken a leg. It got pretty quiet pretty quick. They brought out a little screen to block the view from the grandstand (not a good sign) and a trailer from a local horse sanctuary (a better sign). As we left the track we weren’t sure what happend to Crazy Cash, but the next day I found a a recap on the day’s races that included the information that CC had been euthanized on the track. RIP Crazy Cash. Definitely a downer end to an otherwise great day.

“Our babies are going to lose their fur this week! Awesome!” –Shizzle

“When I lay down, my boobs are bigger than my stomach…maybe.”
–Shizzle (Bonus quote because she threw that one out while I was typing)

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