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Now You Have A Topic For Your Blog

Written by Pat on March 11th, 2008

Note: Waiting to publish this for a few weeks, but the posts below are being written on the dates indicated. If you get bored halfway through, you probably want to jump down to the end and read the last post before heading elsewhere on the world wide web.

2/13/2008:
“Now you have a topic for your blog. Happy Valentine’s Day!”

That’s what Shae said as she pulled out what looked like a thermometer from her purse. I couldn’t figure out why she would be giving me a Valentine’s Day present a day early, much less why she would give me a thermometer. Then she turned it over, and I saw “E.P.T” printed on the other side. I felt like I was in an after school special, except instead of being a 14 year old boy sleeping with his teacher I’m 29, married, with a house and a dog. Other than that, it’s exactly the same. Shae’s going to take another test tomorrow, but we all know how this is ending. I think I’ll call him Lil’ Pat.

2/14/2008:
Just to be sure, Shae peed on another stick. We got another plus sign. Time to call the parents. They’re excited, I think Shae’s dad just started building a crib. Seriously, I think he’s in the shop right now

2/17/2008:
(2:00 pm) Today we finally got to the store to pick up some prenatal vitamins for Mrs. Prego. After hunting all over the CVS vitamin aisle, we finally found two brands of prenatal multi-vitamins. Of course, we had no way of deciding which one we needed. After reading the back of the packages we were still undecided, so we decided to ask the pharmacist for help. As Shae and I hung around waiting for the pharmacist to become available, I couldn’t help feeling like a confused teenage kid again. Here we are, two almost-30-year-olds, and we are standing around waiting for the pharmacist so we can ask her which multi-vitamin is better. Screw it, we chose one and headed for the register. On the way, Shae stopped to grab some Cadbury Mini-Eggs from the Easter candy selection. I guess she’s done with her diet.

(10:00 pm) We just watched “Knocked Up” because it seemed fitting. Last time I watched the movie it seemed funny. Now…not so much. A hormonal woman screaming at the man who got her pregnant isn’t funny anymore. Comedy my ass; this movie just got moved over to the horror section of my DVD collection.

2/20/2008:
Today Shae found out that the smell of chocolate makes her nauseas. Great. So now I get to deal with a hormonal woman who can’t eat chocolate (of course, she’s supposedly avoiding caffeine anyway, but I almost lost my head two days ago when I pointed out that chocolate has caffeine). Oh, and she’s really gassy. I get to sit on the couch with Shae farting next to me and Lunchbox farting at me feet. Super. These next 8 months are going to be awesome. I can’t wait.

2/27/2008:
Normally on Wednesday nights Shae makes me watch “Supernanny” right after it records (not live of course, that would just be crazy). Tonight, she decided she’d rather watch something else because she wasn’t in the mood for a “scary show”. I guess there’s a bright side to scary-hormonal-Shae after all.

2/28/2008:
That bright side of scary-hormonal-Shae didn’t last very long. It was my morning to feed the dog, but due to our painting adventures I didn’t have access to my robe (not to mention I’m getting over being sick) so I asked Shae if she could take care of LB today. It’s incredible I didn’t lose a hand or an arm. “YOUR ROBE IS IN THE GUEST ROOM!!! JUST GO PUT IT ON!!! I’M NOT WEARING PANTS EITHER!!!” (Somehow Shae overlooked the fact that she has worn pajama bottoms to bed pretty much every night since we get married.) Then she got up, stormed out of the room, threw open the back door and fed the dog. She proceeded to be generally pissed at me until I left for work. Of course, when I stopped by The Learning Garden after work Shae was all hugs and kisses. Apparently she also broke down and cried during an episode of some baby show this morning. I love my wives…well, most of them.

3/1/2008:
We finally went to see Juno today. Like everyone else says, it was a good movie. I just have a few comments. According to Shae, they nailed the expression on the Arrested Development/Superbad kid’s face when Juno tells him she’s pregnant (“That’s the exact look you had on your face”). Also, in the scene where Juno tells her parents she’s pregnant and complains she hasn’t shit “since Wednesday” Shae leaned over and whispered, “I haven’t shit since Wednesday either.” Shae’s shitting success is becoming a much bigger part of my daily life than I could ever have imagined.

3/3/2008:
Shae finally took a dump today. Apparently this is a big deal. She’s really excited. Oh yeah, and we made our first appointment with the doctor for next Monday.

3/7/2008:
Shae’s starting to show already. You know what that means? That’s right…maternity pants! I’m pretty sure that’s the only part of this whole pregnancy thing I’m going to be jealous of. I want to wear pants with an elastic waistband. I think we’re going to have to start telling people pretty soon, it’s starting to get obvious.

3/10/2008:
We finally saw the doctor today, and I think it’s pretty safe to say things were a lot different at 10:00 than when I woke up. For starters, I think I’m going to like our doc. When discussing Shae’s boobs (one of my favorite subjects), she put my feelings perfectly (no need to quote here, but let’s just say there something wrong with making boobs bigger but then making them hurt so bad that the hubby can’t even look at them without getting in trouble). Shae peed in a cup, and I guess the rabbit died because out came the ultrasound machine. This is where it got fun.

Pointing at one blob on the screen doc said “There’s your baby.” Then, pointing to another spot on the screen “And what’s that over there?” (I thought she was the doctor, why the hell is she asking us questions?) You know what that was? ANOTHER FREAKIN’ BABY!! That’s right, there are two little nuts growing inside Shae; she has two sacks. (Sorry, but I just can’t pass up any opportunity to talk about nuts and sacks, even in a blog post about babies.)

I just stood there feeling like I did when Shae first told me she was pregnant. Apparently, I also had exactly the same look. You know what’s not funny anymore? All of the “twins run in my family” comments Shae made over the past month or so. I hope she’s happy.

Eventually I snapped out of my daze and staggered out of the office. After the nurse gave us directions to the office to get Shae’s blood work done I asked her if there was a stop along the way where I could get my boys snipped. There wasn’t so I guess I have something to do tomorrow on my lunch break.

Right now, I’d have to say I’m still in shock but I’m slowly coming around and starting to get excited. I had just gotten used to the idea of one kid and now I have to get used to the idea of having two. Shae’s excited, but a little scared about how big she’s going to get. Her quote: “Now we have a pee-stick for each kid.” Glad to see we’re focusing on the important stuff.

Shae decided it’s time to start telling people and posted the ultrasound pic on her Myspace page so I guess it’s time to publish this. Enjoy (or don’t, too late now you already read it).

Here’s a pic of the peanuts:

3 Comments so far ↓

  1. Anonymous says:

    2 babies? You trying to catch up to Nate in one fell swoop?

    I mean Congratulations!

    Lamb

  2. the eighth siren says:

    I can’t wait. I just can’t wait. Auntie Christina is just overjoyed. Congrats!! Babies are fun. Especially when they aren’t mine!!!

  3. Pat says:

    That sounds to me like Auntie Christina just offered to babysit.

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